I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
