just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
