i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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