this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
