Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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