he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
