FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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