Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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