ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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