Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
