I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
