Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
