Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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