Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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