Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
50% drunk capacity currently
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
