Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
