I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
