he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
don't judge my taste in strippers
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i out mim tonsoeep
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