I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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