therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
