6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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