I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
