Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
