sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
