mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
