you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
