Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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