Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
