I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize