Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
