Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
