Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
