I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
