also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
