Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
