My room smells like vodka and shame
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
