a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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