My Higher Power is John Stamos
where am i from again
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
