We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
