he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Welp...herpes.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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