forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize