White coat. Heels.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
