they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
