i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
