do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
