Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
