Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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