I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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