I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
