Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
