I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
