Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
