I think I just saw someone hide a body.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
