apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
