So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
