I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
