im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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