i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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