today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
