I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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