Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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