if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
last night I used snow as a chaser
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
