You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
