Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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