I would go down on you faster than GM stock
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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