Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I could make wine with my vomit
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize