who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
