Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize