i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
