Don't make out with my wife yet
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
