I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
